"Romney Rash" (c) Jim Guinn 2012
I was in my quiet room late one night
When my eyes beheld a young gun
of the right
He wrote a marvelous budget and his star began to rise
Name of Paul Ryan and much to my surprise
He had the rash
He had the Romney Rash
The Romney Rash
It was a Wall Street smash
He had the rash
He caught it in a flash
He had the rash
He had the Romney rash
It's something in your past that's icky and itchy
And you don't dare explain 'cause it's sticky and fishy
A guy like that could be another jokester and funster
And on top of that, he looks just like ... Eddie Munster
Suddenly they were all in my room
Celebrating what Ryan caught so soon
The also-rans so clueless and confused on facts
Crawling out the doors of Ann's two Cadillacs
There's Rick Santorum with Michele Bachmann
Without her husband but with her eyes wide open
Newt Gringrich and his Booty Callista
Brought her favorite party favor, a game of twister
There was Rick Perry, all forgiving with no regret
Trying hard to remember the Texas Two Step
And Herman Cain was looking so fine
Ready to Tea Party like it's 18-999
I put on a lampshade, made of magic underwear
We partied all night and nobody mentioned Romneycare
I was glad the gang was all there and getting down
For what is a circus without all the clowns
They had the rash
The Romney Rash
They brought the cash
The Romney cash
It's in my stash
The Romney stash
We're ready to bash
At the Romney Bash
Sarah Palin fell out of the dumbwaiter with a scream
Seems she was troubled by just one thing
She looked around the room and shook her fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Peppermint Twist?"
We'll take back the White House, wait and see
Who wouldn't vote for an Anglo-Saxon like me?
We'll win on Tuesday without much hullabaloo
Then there'll be no more Watusi or Boogaloo
The USA will have the Rash
They'll have the Romney Rash
The Romney Rash
It was a Wall Street smash
It caught on in a flash
Since we had the cash
To buy the white trash
The Romney white trash
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Act II.1 - "When You were our Man"
"When You Were Our Man" (c) Jim Guinn 2012
(in the style of "When I Was Your Man" Bruno Mars)
Same government but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Rush on the radio, but he don't sound the same
When my friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down
Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name
It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That you should have been wielding Presidential powers
Ann holding your hand
I should have given you all my hours
Instead of campaigning Libertarian
I shouldn't have voted third party
But I was in a Libertarian trance
Now my country's trancing
But it's trancing with another man
My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Caused a good solid Conservative like you to lose the race
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh…
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes
It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That you should have been wielding Presidential powers ...
Although it hurts
I'll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I'm actually much too late
To try and rectify my mistakes
But I just want you to know
I hope he loses his powers
I hope he overplays his hand
On vacation all his hours
And at every chance
A member of the Communist party
Cause I see how those innocent people are under his trance
I wish I did all the things I should have done
When you were our man
Did all the things I should have done
When you were our man
================
Intro/Interlude Segments
(because even tragic epics need a montage):
"Mitt Sings at CPAC"
You don't remember me, but I remember you
't was not so long ago, i broke your heart in two
Tears on your pillow, pain in your heart, i caused you, you
If we could start anew, I wouldn't hesitate
Would you take me back, and tempt the hand of fate
Tears on your pillow, pain in your heart, I caused you
Politics is a financial instrument, in a secret bank account
You may find yourself in a predicament,
Even if you intentionally miscount
If we could start anew, I wouldn't hesitate
Would you take me back, and tempt the hands of fate
Tears on your pillow, pain in your heart, i caused you, you
Oh wo wo wo you you
FADE: wo oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
"By the Time I Get To 270"
By the time I get to 100
she'll be lying
The real notes she'll let fall to the floor
She'll laugh when she reads the part that says I'm leading
Though I've proved that girl wrong so many times before
By the time I get to 200 she'll be smirking
She'll chat with Sarah Palin and give Rove a call
But she'll just hear that phone keep on ringing
Karl tore it off the wall, that's all
By the time I get to 270 the California polls have yet to close
Her voice will will crack as she tries to announce it
As she realizes she's never seen past her nose
But by tomorrow morning she'll have regained her glow
Because she knows she can blame it all on Mitt
(in the style of "When I Was Your Man" Bruno Mars)
Same government but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Rush on the radio, but he don't sound the same
When my friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down
Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name
It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That you should have been wielding Presidential powers
Ann holding your hand
I should have given you all my hours
Instead of campaigning Libertarian
I shouldn't have voted third party
But I was in a Libertarian trance
Now my country's trancing
But it's trancing with another man
My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Caused a good solid Conservative like you to lose the race
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh…
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes
It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That you should have been wielding Presidential powers ...
Although it hurts
I'll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I'm actually much too late
To try and rectify my mistakes
But I just want you to know
I hope he loses his powers
I hope he overplays his hand
On vacation all his hours
And at every chance
A member of the Communist party
Cause I see how those innocent people are under his trance
I wish I did all the things I should have done
When you were our man
Did all the things I should have done
When you were our man
================
Intro/Interlude Segments
(because even tragic epics need a montage):
"Mitt Sings at CPAC"
You don't remember me, but I remember you
't was not so long ago, i broke your heart in two
Tears on your pillow, pain in your heart, i caused you, you
If we could start anew, I wouldn't hesitate
Would you take me back, and tempt the hand of fate
Tears on your pillow, pain in your heart, I caused you
Politics is a financial instrument, in a secret bank account
You may find yourself in a predicament,
Even if you intentionally miscount
If we could start anew, I wouldn't hesitate
Would you take me back, and tempt the hands of fate
Tears on your pillow, pain in your heart, i caused you, you
Oh wo wo wo you you
FADE: wo oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
"By the Time I Get To 270"
By the time I get to 100
she'll be lying
The real notes she'll let fall to the floor
She'll laugh when she reads the part that says I'm leading
Though I've proved that girl wrong so many times before
By the time I get to 200 she'll be smirking
She'll chat with Sarah Palin and give Rove a call
But she'll just hear that phone keep on ringing
Karl tore it off the wall, that's all
By the time I get to 270 the California polls have yet to close
Her voice will will crack as she tries to announce it
As she realizes she's never seen past her nose
But by tomorrow morning she'll have regained her glow
Because she knows she can blame it all on Mitt
Act I.2 - "Mitt the Magic Mormon"
"Mitt the Magic Mormon" (c) Jim Guinn 2012, edited 2014 Emily Nghiem
Mitt the Magic Mormon - hid millions overseas
And politicked throughout the land, shunning taxes like disease
Old Willard Marriott - loved that Magic Mitt
And joined his clever offshore tricks and other crafty "stuff" - oh
Mitt the Magic Mormon - hid millions overseas
And politicked throughout the land, shunning taxes like disease
Together they would travel by boat with billowed sail
Willard kept a lookout for the Coast Guard on their tail
Drug kingpins and porno queens - would bow wherever they'd meet
Swiss bankers rolled red carpets out, for Mitt to wipe his feet
Mitt the Magic Mormon - hid millions overseas
And politicked throughout the land, shunning taxes like disease
No mentor lives forever - they pass along their toys
The wealth remains within a chain of corporate good ol' boys
But when it finally happened - that Willard said no more,
Without his reckless mentor, Mitt was just a feckless bore!
His hallowed heart felt sorrow, his ego felt the pain,
Mitt no longer could support the pyramid at Bain.
Without his lifelong partner, Mitt could not make rain,
Forced to beg for billions through his own White House campaign, oh
Mitt the Magic Mormon - hid millions overseas
And politicked throughout the land, shunning taxes like disease
Mitt the Magic Mormon - hid millions overseas
And politicked throughout the land, shunning taxes like disease
Mitt the Magic Mormon - hid millions overseas
And politicked throughout the land, shunning taxes like disease
Old Willard Marriott - loved that Magic Mitt
And joined his clever offshore tricks and other crafty "stuff" - oh
Mitt the Magic Mormon - hid millions overseas
And politicked throughout the land, shunning taxes like disease
Together they would travel by boat with billowed sail
Willard kept a lookout for the Coast Guard on their tail
Drug kingpins and porno queens - would bow wherever they'd meet
Swiss bankers rolled red carpets out, for Mitt to wipe his feet
Mitt the Magic Mormon - hid millions overseas
And politicked throughout the land, shunning taxes like disease
No mentor lives forever - they pass along their toys
The wealth remains within a chain of corporate good ol' boys
But when it finally happened - that Willard said no more,
Without his reckless mentor, Mitt was just a feckless bore!
His hallowed heart felt sorrow, his ego felt the pain,
Mitt no longer could support the pyramid at Bain.
Without his lifelong partner, Mitt could not make rain,
Forced to beg for billions through his own White House campaign, oh
Mitt the Magic Mormon - hid millions overseas
And politicked throughout the land, shunning taxes like disease
Mitt the Magic Mormon - hid millions overseas
And politicked throughout the land, shunning taxes like disease
Act I.1 - Prologue "Friends, Republicans, Countrymen"
Prologue "Friends, Republicans, Countrymen" (c) Jim Guinn 2012
Friends,Republicans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to critique Romney, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Romney. The noble Santorum
Hath told you Romney was not conservative.
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Romney answer’d it.
Here, under leave of Santorum and the rest–
For Santorum is an honourable man;
So are they all, all honourable men–
Come I to speak in Romney's defense. He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Santorum says he was not conservative;
And Santorum is an honourable man.
He humiliated in defeat a miscreant while merely a youth
Whose actions brought shame to his preparatory school.
Did this in Romney not seem conservative?
When that the poor have cried,
Romney hath profited;
Conservatism should be made of such stuff:
Yet Santorum says he was not conservative;
And Santorum is an honourable man.
You all did see that on the campaign trail
He made humor of Obama's blood-line to the throne?
Which he did thrice repeat; was this not conservatism?
Yet Santorum says he is not conservative.
And, sure, he is an honourable man.
I speak not to disprove what Santorum spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to lay blame on him?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the Cayman's there with Romney;
And I must pause till it come back to me.
Friends,Republicans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to critique Romney, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Romney. The noble Santorum
Hath told you Romney was not conservative.
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Romney answer’d it.
Here, under leave of Santorum and the rest–
For Santorum is an honourable man;
So are they all, all honourable men–
Come I to speak in Romney's defense. He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Santorum says he was not conservative;
And Santorum is an honourable man.
He humiliated in defeat a miscreant while merely a youth
Whose actions brought shame to his preparatory school.
Did this in Romney not seem conservative?
When that the poor have cried,
Romney hath profited;
Conservatism should be made of such stuff:
Yet Santorum says he was not conservative;
And Santorum is an honourable man.
You all did see that on the campaign trail
He made humor of Obama's blood-line to the throne?
Which he did thrice repeat; was this not conservatism?
Yet Santorum says he is not conservative.
And, sure, he is an honourable man.
I speak not to disprove what Santorum spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to lay blame on him?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the Cayman's there with Romney;
And I must pause till it come back to me.
Welcome to the world of Political Opera
Mitt the Musical
inspired by Mitt Romney and his 2012 Presidential Campaign
inspired by Mitt Romney and his 2012 Presidential Campaign
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